AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
