just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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