i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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