Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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