He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
