i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
