dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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