well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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