but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
