Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
