I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
