mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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