You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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