So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
