Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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