bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
