She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
