We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
