WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
