Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
