is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
