are you so shy because you have an std?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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