We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
