I'm gonna have a badass scar
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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