The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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