Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
