this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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