I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
