if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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