I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
