If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
