remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
