This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
