How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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