My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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