it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
