I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
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