My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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