Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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