considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
