margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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