Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
