Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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