If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize