I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
