i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When are your genitals available?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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