genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
