You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
