why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
