Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
