Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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