They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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