Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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