I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
