when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The ass gains better be worth it
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