I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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