Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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