You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
