I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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