Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
