wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
