If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
