I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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