I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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