she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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