You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
