We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
