If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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