you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
ttyl tear gas
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
