Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
