What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
