Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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