he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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