hotel room ftw
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
