Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
