I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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