tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
