We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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