I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
