He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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