Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
