It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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