worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
