problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
