i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
