Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
