DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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