so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You pole danced in your parka.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
