Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
