just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
