i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
