Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
