I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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