perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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