im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
