I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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