PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
