What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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