Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
