Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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