Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
