You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize