just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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