My liver just broke up with me...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
